Hello my friend,
Progress takes courage.
It requires some trial.
It requires some action.
But it doesn’t require what we might think.
It doesn’t require confidence.
It doesn’t require readiness.
It doesn’t require self belief.
And it certainly doesn’t require being the right time.
To improve at anything we too often wait on these latter areas before putting ourselves on the line.
This couldn’t be more true for public speaking and communication.
I was recently working with some new students on speaking skills.
We were working on some foundations of speaking and the idea was to give everyone an opportunity to give a short talk to present themselves.
Quickly the energy shifted.
It went from most of the students feeling relaxed and at ease to quickly seeming nervous and on edge.
Suddenly many in the room didn’t seem so enthusiastic.
They weren’t ready to take the stand and speak in front of the rest of the group.
I asked the room, tell me, what’s stopping you from wanting to speak?
What’s getting in your way here?
One person answered, “Nerves. I’ve never done it before”.
Another added, “I’ve got nothing to say and I feel people won’t take me seriously”.
A further student said “I’m no good at it, it’s just not my thing”.
These comments struck me.
But they didn’t surprise me.
These are common emotions and stories many people of all ages tell themselves.
A story about needing to ‘be ready’ to ‘feel confident’, or to ‘have something to say’ in order for them to be accepted or respected.
The truth is everyone has a unique story and a unique set of perspectives to share.
Even when they think completely the opposite is true.
The truth is that we don’t need to feel ready or confident to communicate with others or speak in public.
We develop all the skills and then the confidence as we go.
That isn’t any of our business until later down the line.
News flash: the nerves won’t go away and you may never feel ready.
That is completely normal.
Many of the greatest and most successful communicators still feel this way after decades.
But they didn’t let it get in their way of starting and they certainly don’t let it now.
The art of speaking in public is to connect with other people.
To be authentic and to share something that could be of value to others.
This goes for one to one conversations or speaking in front of a group.
The focus and the goal stay the same.
When we look at it through this lens it becomes an entirely different view.
When speaking we should not be trying to impress, to look good, or to prove something.
We should not be showing off or doing it to feel good.
We should be doing it to share a message and to connect with other people.
After sharing this with the students they too started seeing it through fresh lenses.
Many stepped up and gave a short talk and were then received with nothing but appreciation and gratitude from their fellow students.
Once the first couple went up others in the room were itching to do the same.
When you’re communicating with people, remember your intention.
That you are there to connect with them.
To be authentically yourself and to share what is unique to you.
Then to give them the permission to do the same.
Once you look at public speaking and communication in this way not only will you increase your impact on others but your relationships will drastically improve.
You already have everything you need.
Thank you for reading.
With love, Nick