Hello my friend,
If we truly want to understand we have to go deeper.
We must go beyond the words.
Communication can be difficult, but we often make it so.
We make it harder for ourselves.
We spend so much of the time focusing on spoken words that we miss what’s far more important.
The meaning behind them and all the language coming from elsewhere.
We learn a lot more about someone by paying attention on what not is said.
The cues and signals are everywhere if we are looking for them.
This is where we learn what somebody actually thinks and feels or what they need.
From our most intimate personal relationships to negotiations in the boardroom.
This is where we communicate and where we get answers.
7% of communication is the words that we speak.
93% of communication is what we do not.
Let that sink in.
Think about how much time we spend focusing, analysing or catastrophising a person’s words.
Or on perfectly articulating our own to cover up or manipulate how we really feel.
If we paid attention beyond our words we would learn so much more about people.
From our interactions and those we spend time with.
Animals rely on expression and body language. They count purely on instincts and signals to understand.
They don’t require words and they cannot be fooled. They read their fellow species and scenarios immaculately well.
Before spoken word we were no different.
Humans can forget these pures instincts and rely heavily on use of words to navigate life and relationships.
Paying very little attention to what is actually being said. 7%.
If we want to become better communicators and deepen our connections and relationships we have to focus on the 93%.
The meaning behind the words, the expressions shown and body language used.
For humans it’s extremely difficult to hide how we feel through our body language.
Yet we often aren’t looking for it.
Someone may tell us with words they are fine yet really they are in despair.
Certain emotions are very difficult to put into words and people often won’t tell us how they feel.
But they will always show us.
If we just paid closer attention.
Next time you’re in a conversation, look deeper.
Look for the reason, look for the meaning.
Look again.
People are giving us answers all the time.
Go beyond the words.
Working with me
I help people with their communication and public speaking through training, bespoke coaching alongside speaking - reach out here for a conversation to learn more.
What I’m learning
How viewing challenges shapes performance.
A study on trail runners found that mental toughness and resilience accounted for 21 percent of performance differences between runners. This study gave runners a questionnaire about how they viewed challenges - for example, it asked to what degree they viewed threats as opportunities and how they viewed difficulties - and compared the data to their running performance. Those with the highest resilience scores had faster times.
The courage to be disliked.
“It’s that you are disliked by someone. It is proof that you are exercising your freedom and living in freedom, and a sign that you are living in accordance with your own principles.” - Ichiro Kishimi
You only live once.
“You have two lives, and the second one begins when you realize you only have one” - Naval
Question
Where are you spending most of your attention? Is it giving you more or taking more from you?
Life Hack
Leave a book next to your bed and your phone away from it. You’ll fall asleep faster and sleep deeper.
That’s all for this week.
Thank you for reading.
With love, Nick x
p.s. when enough is enough