Hello my friend,
Why is public speaking the number one fear for most people?
Even though many think they won’t ever need it, we all have to speak publicly at some point.
At work, at a wedding, for a job interview, dare I say it at a funeral - none of us can escape it!
Yet why does it feel so overwhelming and suffocating to so many?
After years of public speaking and in more recent years coaching it I’ve learned it certainly doesn’t have to stay that way.
By learning some key tools and mindset shifts we can grow our confidence and overcome the fear that stands in our way.
A fear that gets in the way of sharing our personal story or something of real value to others.
Something that may indeed go on to change somebody’s life.
Our story and what we have to say is powerful and others deserve to hear it.
Here are five tips for more confident and less fearful public speaking that I have learned and used over the years.
Tip one: Reframing
Our framing changes everything.
See every speaking opportunity as a chance to improve and to learn.
Lead with a mindset that it is making you a little better and more confident every time you step up to speak.
Using a framing that I ‘get to speak and share my ideas to help others’, instead of ‘I have to speak and everyone will be judging me’.
Whatever the wording is for you, create a positive and empowering frame.
Focus on each time as an opportunity for learning and growth.
It’s absolutely normal to feel a little nervous. No-one expects perfect, or even wants it.
So don’t set your bar unrealistically high. Aim for progress, over perfection.
Tip two: Low exposure
Like training for a marathon we can’t just go from the sofa to running a 26.2 miles. That will injure us.
We start small, and build up the miles little by little each week.
We then make some small adjustments until over some time we become physically ready for the event.
The same applies in public speaking. You can’t go from zero to hero right away.
This would paralyse anyone with fear and uncertainty.
The trick is a little exposure at a time.
This will show you that your worst predictions won’t come true.
It then expands your tolerance until the event isn’t such a big deal.
Practice speaking in all situations.
At home or in the office with family, friends, colleagues.
Start with one person. Build up your confidence and ability.
Be patient and expose yourself gently.
Tip three: Pay attention to physiology
The mind and body connection is real - and the good news when speaking in public is that you can influence the way you feel.
There was a famous study where people put a pencil between their teeth to smile.
It turns out that holding a pencil between the teeth contracts the same muscles that are used for a genuine smile.
The study compared those “faking a smile” versus those who weren’t smiling at all.
The result?
Those who mimicked a genuine smile felt less stressed and more positive than the others.
So what does this teach us?
It teaches us that what we do with our expressions and body language makes a significant difference to how we feel.
Before you next do any public speaking do a body check first.
Become aware of your posture, facial expression, breathing and where your hands are.
You can impact how you feel through changing your physiology which then will create the psychology you want before speaking.
If the body is strong and prepared the mind will follow.
Tip four: Practice
“You don’t rise to expectations, you fall to the level of your preparation.”
The same goes for public speaking.
For all the wonderful tactics and tools you’re learning, you have to put them to practice. Over and over again.
It’s by far the best way to improve. Perhaps the only way, really.
Practicing as much as you possibly can.
This will require some added courage to put yourself out there more.
It is important to also remember all practice isn’t made equal. There is a difference between the bathroom mirror and in front of real people.
Seek opportunities to practice - with others.
Find a group to practice (Toastmasters is perfect for example) or practice in front of a group of friends or colleagues before your all important pitch or presentation.
Find the opportunities to practice and remember mistakes are the gateway to improvement.
This will not only enhance your ability speaking in public, but your confidence too, whilst making your nerves feel more manageable.
It sends a clear message to the brain that you’re practiced and prepared.
Tip five: Service
Ultimately public speaking is all about serving your audience.
Whoever they may be, you are there to offer them value.
They aren’t looking for perfection and they don’t care about how well you “perform”.
They only care about your message and the value you can offer them through it.
Nothing else.
In fact, if you do make a few errors or mess up a bit it will make you even more relatable.
On top of that if you own those errors you’ll come across even more authentic and real.
That only builds connection further.
At the end of the day your audience are human beings just like you with exactly the same fears and doubts.
Something important to keep in mind that you are not speaking IN public, you are speaking WITH the public.
You are sharing value and service with them.
So in summary, yes work on the skills to develop your level when public speaking but remember you’re already standing on a mountain of value ready to share right now.
The only thing your audience cares about is receiving it.
Good luck out there!
Working with me
If you are looking to grow your confidence and develop your speaking skills you can learn more and get in touch with me here
Things I’m learning
Being world-class comes with some extreme worldviews.
“More than half of aspiring athletes would be willing to take a drug that would kill them in 5 years in exchange for winning every competition.
14% of elite performers would accept a fatal cardiovascular condition in exchange for an Olympic gold medal.” - Rob Henderson (via )
Distrusting loud public claims.
“Many of the most chaotic and emotionally lawless people you’ve ever known are posting on a regular basis about having at long last achieved inner peace.” - Elizabeth Gilbert
Living a life with no regrets.
“You can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love?” - Jim Carrey
Question
If no-one was watching what would you be doing differently?
If everyone was watching what would you be doing differently?
Thank you for reading.
With Love, Nick x