Hello my friend,
What creates a happier life?
Happiness professor Arthur Brooks speaks about managing our ‘wants’ and ‘haves’.
He has a equation.
Satisfaction = what you have ÷ what you want.
Reducing our desires and centering ourselves on all the blessings and the good we already have.
This got me once again thinking about gratitude.
Gratitude is life’s secret sauce, it’s free, and it’s waiting 24/7.
It’s the most sure way to feel better in almost any situation.
Be it on our health, our family, where we live, the work we do.
Or on a walk we are on, the view in the distance, the workout we’re doing, the conversation we had, the coffee we are sipping on.
Even in the setbacks and challenging moments we can feel grateful as they will be teaching us and making us stronger with many of them indeed likely becoming blessings in disguise.
Gratitude is always available.
Waiting aside quietly during each passing moment.
Focusing on what we expect or what should happen moves us further away from it.
If we want be be happier we have to manage our expectations, release some control and accept our circumstances.
Keeping in sight the bigger picture.
I was recently on a flight.
We had all boarded the plane and everyone had sat down.
As soon as we had done so the pilot came over the speaker and announced a two hour delay.
Some anger, frustration, irritation circled the plane.
You could feel the mood shift downwards.
The expectation was not satisfied.
Any gratitude was non existent.
(Think for a moment about how many things there ‘could be’ to be grateful for about when flying on a metal tube at 650 mph, 35,000 feet above the clouds, with a drinks and food menu on board, built in seat TV’s and the promise to dropped off safety in a completely different part of the world…)
Then, 15 minutes later, the pilot made a further announcement.
"Good news, we've managed to fix the issue and we will be underway soon, he said, we now expect the delay to be no more than 45 minutes."
Smiles, laughter, excitement circled the plane.
You could feel the mood shift upwards.
There was still almost an hour delay yet everyone was suddenly happy and satisfied.
Our perception and expectation can change in a flash.
As this unfolded I sat there thinking how I can better manage my own wants and expectations.
When are they in charge of me, rather than the other way around?
I then gained a key insight: the more I let go the better I feel.
The more I drop my expectations the happier I become.
Offering me the reminder to instead focus the attention on what I’m grateful for.
Of course I’m not perfect and I still wrestle with this sometimes.
It often feels far from easy, or indeed appropriate.
But with the awareness of it alone it is enough to make a significant shift in our response.
It is a practice and one certainly worth doing.
Our perception creates our reality.
Not the scenarios themselves.
And this is something we get to choose.
Things I’m learning
Newton’s law.
“A body in motion tends to stay in motion, and a body at rest tends to stay at rest.” - Isaac Newton
Controlling only what you can.
“The way you respond to hardship matters more to your happiness than the hardship itself.” - Shane Parish
Being on the right track.
“You should be far more concerned with your current trajectory than with your current results.” - James Clear
Question
What expectations have you subconsciously created over the years? Which ones are truly serving you? Where could they be reviewed?
That’s all for this week.
I’m grateful for you reading!
If you enjoyed it please share this with a friend :)
Until next time.
Love, Nick x