I wish I had done things differently.
I’ve been thinking a lot recently.
About regret, about mistakes, about making wrong decisions.
Scrutinising the past.
Many of us sell ourselves this type of story continuously.
I know I have.
What does making a “wrong decision” even mean?
Wrong at what time?
What was the alternative?
What if it actually would have turned out to have been a lot worse?
What if it was a blessing in disguise that we still cannot recognise?
I’ve learned that our idea of regret is fundamentally backwards.
Because it discounts our life now along with everything and everyone we have in it.
I have found myself regretting certain past choices.
A career path I should have continued.
A direction I should have taken.
An opportunity I should have said yes to.
But there is a problem with regretting all that.
The things I love most in my life now wouldn’t have existed.
If I had taken those decisions.
If things went the way I wish they did at the time.
For example I had the chance to climb high up the corporate ladder in my early twenties.
I was recently thinking of all that money I could have made, all the titles I could be holding. The financial stability I would have had. The people I would have impressed.
But by doing so I was completely dismissing all the life enhancing projects and opportunities that not going down that route has given me.
We regret a decision and simultaneously forget that same decision paved a path for a positive outcome we have in our life now.
Therefore regret when seen negatively doesn’t make much sense.
Yet most of us still do it anyway.
Another example is the the person I met and now share my life with.
I certainly wouldn’t have met her if I had taken the other route.
The same one I was regretting for a while.
She is one of the best things that has happened to me.
Or another, having the opportunity to start a life abroad.
Likewise it wouldn’t have happened.
Had I chosen a path, which I have since regretted.
Go figure.
There are many examples.
You will have plenty, if you look for them.
Many things we can be incredibly grateful for.
So what makes us think today will be any different when looking back 10 years from now?
Today’s regrets.
In a decade or two from now we may be very thankful for them, despite not being able to see so today.
So it’s time we reframe regret and the past.
Because those incredible things we have in front of us now are only here because of what happened (or didn’t happen) before.
Regret can be powerful and very effective when used well.
It gives us great insight and provide lessons we can learn and utilise.
But to live in it?
Or to judge or blame ourselves?
We are robbing ourselves.
If we let go of regretting what we “could” or “should” have done life starts feeling pretty rich.
The past was meant to happen the way it did, because it did.
All the wonderful things you have now is a result of that.
Regret well.
Thanks for reading.
With Love, Nick x
PS: A huge thank you to everyone who came to An Evening With Running Minds on Tuesday evening in Madrid. A very special event with happiness scientist who gave an incredible talk on finding purpose and meaning.
More to come on this!