Hello my friend,
Communication is the most important skill we can learn.
When you become an effective communicator not only do all of your interactions become more enjoyable, you’ll impact and connect with everyone you meet.
Here are 10 lessons I’ve learned about communication that changed everything for me.
Listening is twice as powerful as speaking.
Only 7% of how you communicate is through the words you speak.
The more imperfect you are the more relatable you become.
When you have the urge to interrupt, pause. Repeat as many times as needed.
You are communicating with someone, not to, for, or at them.
If you want to be more interesting, be more interested.
The most important word for someone is their name, remember it.
If you are trying to impress, you aren’t connecting with them.
You cannot learn anything when your mouth is open.
Vulnerability is your greatest asset. It builds connection like nothing else.
What comes to mind when you think about a great communicator?
Who in your life strikes you as one?
Maybe it’s the one who always has something to say.
Or maybe it’s that one who always makes you feel you have something to say.
After coaching and speaking for a number of years I have learned some harsh truths around the art of communication.
For years when trying to communicate I mostly focused on how I could impress other people.
I believed that if I wanted to influence them I had to make a good impression on them.
I concentrated on what I could say and the words I could use.
I practiced the perfect “pitch” to sell myself.
This made me feel good and it even opened a few doors…
But I then learned something crucial.
That I was communicating on a one way street.
It was all about me, not them.
That I wasn’t getting closer to people, I was simply passing the time with them.
Thinking about what I could say to impress them and how I could get what I wanted.
How they could help me.
The result?
Most of my conversations lacked any connection and meaning. Most of them were pleasant yet surface.
At best they were transactional.
I missed out on countless opportunities to deeply connect and learn from others as I was more interested in myself and what I could say.
I believed to become a great communicator I needed to speak more, and speak better.
I had it backwards.
We tend to assess people based on how interesting they are, but thereby miss a much more important issue - how interesting they make us feel.
Referred to as “reverse charisma”. ( )
This teaches us that the people we most connect with and remember the most are those who make us feel smart, interesting or heard.
I loved meeting people yet I was treating too many of my interactions as an opportunity to impress them or to get them to do something for me.
Instead of focusing on what I could do for them.
I was young and hungry looking to get ahead, yet I was going about it in completely the wrong way.
Missing the chance to be vulnerable and connect deeply with other human beings.
This is where the magic happens.
Because the most effective form of communication is not about us, it’s about them.
It’s about service. It’s about connection.
We become memorable for how we make other people feel.
If you think of communication this way a few things will start to happen.
Your conversations and interactions will become more memorable.
You’ll learn more than you ever imagined.
You’ll gain opportunities you never thought possible.
By being more interested you’ll become more interesting.
Confident public speaking
I have created a free guide “Nervous to Natural - Unlock your Confidence when Public Speaking” - Get your free copy here!
Things I’m learning
Believe what you want.
“Beliefs create emotions. Emotions create actions. Choose a belief for the action it creates. One thought makes you act selfish. Another makes you act generous. One thought makes you do something stupid. Another makes you do something smart. Which belief is right? Wrong question. Which belief leads to the action you need now?” - Derek Sivers
Doing now for a better tomorrow.
“There is always something you can do in the moment today to better your position tomorrow. You might not be able to solve the problem, but your next action will make the situation better or worse. There is always an action you can control, however tiny, that helps you achieve progress.” - Shane Parrish
Discomfort first.
“Stability doesn’t create discipline, discipline creates stability.” - Amy Dresner.
Question
Picture yourself 25 years from now.
Where can you see yourself? What regrets will you likely have if you keep on your current trajectory?
Thank you for reading.
With love, Nick x